This is something I have written about before and something I feel very passionate about.
Two years ago, I wound up in a bad place. I was extremely overweight, lacking confidence & self-esteem and two years into an unhappy marriage. At the time I found every reason to be unhappy and could not get myself out of the rut. I was in a never-ending loop of blaming, self loathing and then binge eating to make myself feel better.
I could reel off a million reasons of why my husband was making me unhappy, why I couldn’t get my weight under control and why I was so unmotivated in all aspects of my life. Of course, all of these reasons where nothing to do with me…
Eventually, I decided enough was enough and I walked away from my marriage. Although it was tough to call it, I knew from the moment that it was the best decision for me.
Since then, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and have come to learn that my own happiness has never been further than the ends of my fingers. I could have reached out and grabbed it any time. So why didn’t I?!
It’s a load of rubbish that my husband made me unhappy. I was making myself unhappy by refusing to acknowledge I was also at fault and then allowing a negative relationship to continue.
I was lying to myself when I said I couldn’t lose weight because I just ‘wasn’t in the right frame of mind’. Is there really such a thing? I control my state of mind therefore I was the only one making myself ‘not ready’.
Now I can’t say that my happiness is 100% because of me. I’ve got to give Nick some credit, along with the people I surround myself with. However, my approach to every person and situation is most definitely how I stay in control of my own happiness.
So how do I do it?
It all started when I read the book The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steve Peters. I’m no expert so I’ll refrain from giving a very bad overview, but basically it teaches you how to gain control of your mind and make the most logical decision based on your desired outcome and goals. It pretty much changed my life overnight so I would definitely recommend it.
I now also have changed my attitude towards the people I choose to spend my time with and other things in my life (work etc). I simply ask myself; does it make me happy? or does it have a positive contribution to my life?
- If both answers are yes, then happy days.
- If one answer is yes, then I consider if it is necessary to keep in my life. For example, do I love going to work? No. But does it contribute positively to my life? Yes, because I get money to live and do the things I love.
- If the answers to both of these questions are no, then can I change it? Can I remove that person, object or activity from my life? If no again, I’m changing my attitude towards it.
So if your goal is to be healthy, make conscious decisions every day to eat well, stay hydrated and be active.
If you want a promotion at work, make sure you are putting yourself forward and creating opportunities; don’t wait for someone to hand it to you.
And if you want genuine happiness, stop allowing negative people to consume your life and invade your mind. Simply take a step back or change how you react to their BS. Remember, he who angers you controls you.
As long as we can all make decisions every day to contribute towards our own happiness, we’re going in the right direction.